Cleaning Up For The New Year

Have you seen the New Year's GIF of Cicely Tyson circulating Black social society? The caption suggests that the late great Queen is representing our "ancestors staring" at our house because it has not yet reached the Black New Year's standard of clean.

SN- it's funny because it's true.

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Every year for as far back as I can recall, I’ve done the traditional Black household's pre-new year clean-up. I’d spend the last few weeks of the year cleaning my house to make sure that by the new year there was no dirty laundry, dishes, or clutter in my house. My family and I would purge closets, wash all of the dirty dishes and laundry, and make sure all of our rooms were spotless.

This year my ancestors tasked me to do a deeper clean. This year I was led to "sweep around my own front door" by moving beyond the four walls of my house and focus instead on clearing the spaces where I dwell energetically; my relationship dynamics. This year instead of giving all of my energy and focus to my dirty laundry (which can never technically be done unless you’re washing clothes butt naked), I spent the last few weeks of December traveling. I've spent most of the pandemic isolation evaluating myself so my goal was to be in the company of myself even while I was in the company of others. My intention was to clean up any relational debris aka enmeshments, soul ties, and bad karma with others. To do this I needed to witness my relationship dynamics with others.

To do this, I viewed each relationship through the lens of the relationship template I've adopted:

I call this Alone Together

This process was no different than the ones I've used to clean my cabinets, pantry, and closets. Much like the clothes that have been hanging in the shadows of the dark recesses of my closet, or the canned goods way in the back of the pantry nearing or beyond expiration, or the 50-11 containers and water bottles waiting to fall out of the cabinets as soon as light hits them, I "tried on" many of my oldest relationships to evaluate whether they still fit, had missing pieces, or were past the expiration dates.

While I journeyed from North Carolina to Illinois and back, I spent very intentional (and safe) time in the company of friends and family members. Whether we were in one another's physical company breaking bread or chatting by phone, I used the time to evaluate what no longer fits and what needed to be let go or incorporated into regular rotation. Some of the interactions felt like coming home to myself; like I'd wrapped myself in my favorite sweater and was warmed by the familiarity of love and compassion. And then there were other relationships that represented a different version of me; like a favorite sweater I’d held on to for sentimental value that now felt outdated and ill-fitting. And still, others that were conditional, that felt imbalanced in that it required me to pour more work into them than could be poured into me, leaving me feeling that it was trying on a pair of distressed jeans that were really torn beyond repair.

For those that continued to be mutually beneficial, I reenergized the container and reintegrated the relationship into my life. For the others, that no longer represented a reciprocal relationship, I honored them for the times when they did serve me well, before donating or composting and closing the relationship container. In either case, I expressed my gratitude for what the relationship did to evolve me to where I am today.

My New Year's resolution is to keep my energy "containers" clean, well organized, labeled, and clear of clutter; like a well-lit display at The Container Store. Whenever I feel my ancestors peering at me like Cicely Tyson, I'll know it's time to "clean house" by dusting off, repositioning, or closing out my relationship containers because unlike that pile of stale laundry on the chair in the corner of your bedroom, your energetic laundry will for damn sure air itself out if you don't.